Where to draw the line on ‘Reboots’

Yes, reboots and resurrections of famous movies and TV shows have been all the rage for a few years now.  I can mostly understand why: take a subject that people liked and identified with but hasn’t been in the spotlight for a while, put a new spin on it, and hope the name recognition pays off.  It’s especially great for an industry fearful of losing money on big risks; just recycle something that did well once before.

I must say, however, there need to be some practical limits imposed on what and how to do a reboot before they utterly destroy all that we cherished from our younger years.  I’ve been traumatized by several bad reboots/resurrections and almost sought counseling on one occasion do to the damage it did to the memory of my childhood years (you know who you are, Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull).

There have been good ones (this is of course all subjective, but since I’m writing this, I get to make the first accusations and compliments).  I actually enjoyed the A-Team remake, and for the most part liked Abram’s 2009 Star Trek aside from all the technological liberties, gaffes, and inaccuracies.  It helped that they created another timeline so that we could hold on to the original Trek canon and yet have new adventures without wrecking the past.

There have also, unfortunately, been some bad ones.  They tried to redo Knight Rider at least twice I can remember, the first GI Joe movie was not among my favorites, and I’m still not sure why they need to ‘re-do’ Spiderman.  I liked Toby MacGuire in all three movies.  Why start over again?  Also, I admit to being a fan of Sam Raimi ever since Army of Darkness.  Besides, it’s not like those movies were done decades ago and needed to be freshened up.  I have also not been a fan of the rebooted Battlestar Galactica.  There, I said it.  I have friends who really liked it, and maybe I’d feel differently if they’d called it ANYTHING else other than Battlestar Galactica.  But unlike the Star Trek reboot, where they took our beloved characters and didn’t mess much with them, in  Battlestar they kept the names and not much else.  Frankly, I spent the first season and a half rooting for the Cylons to wipe out the dirty humans.  I mean, seriously, there were about four people in that fleet that had any redeeming qualities.  The rest were not my first choices for rebuilding a civilization.  And before I stop this thread, I must mention the unholy pile of feces that the Sci Fi Channel called Flash Gordon.  That show defiled the airwaves long after the first ten minutes of the premiere when we all realized it was tops in all categories of wrongness.

Now Dallas is getting the reboot on cable, and if it does well, producers will be trying to dig up anything they can find from the last 20 years that might sell.  However, they’ll probably screw up the characters by trying to inject them with the modern flavor we all seem to crave.  So, since it will probably happen anyway, here are my suggestions for some ‘rebooted’ TV show ideas.

1.Buck Rogers- William ‘Buck’ Rogers is into the Mob for tens of thousands of dollars in gambling debts.  Knowing that bashed kneecaps are in his future, he volunteers for a mission on a space station around the moon.  Something goes wrong, he gets catapulted around the solar system after an environmental system crash, and he heads back to orbit and is thawed out 500 years later.  Realizing his debts are wiped clean, he starts the first casino in New Chicago and uses his fame as “The Man From the Past” to promote his casino franchises around the galaxy.  That is, until a frozen Mob enforcer is thawed out as well…

2. Alf- A lovable looking alien crash lands on Earth and is adopted by a dimwitted family.  He seems cute and is fun at parties, but soon gives them a shock when he eats their neighbors.  Horrified at the carnage and on the hook as accomplices to murder, the family helps keep Alf’s horrible secret under wraps, even as he kills again and again.  He’s still funny at parties, though.

3. Hardcastle and McCormick- A judge takes in a down-on-his-luck kid who happens to be an amazing driver.  Using his ties to the criminal system, the Judge rents out McCormick as a wheelman to various crews, all while taking a percentage of the profits.

4. Fraggle Rock- These cuddly creatures live a carefree life, frolicking around in their underground caves.  They also make some of the most potent Meth on the planet and can control the minds of humans in close proximity.  It’s only a matter of time before they make their move to take over the world.

There must be others, but I can’t take it any more so I’m going to stop.  Just think of this, as you shudder in fear before going to sleep tonight: think of all the game shows Hollywood could remake!

So, are there any shows that you think should be redone for our viewing pleasure?  Are there any sacred cows we shouldn’t touch (Back to the Future, Ghostbusters)?

 

What say you, Internet?

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