Scaring the Boyfriends Away

Today, I was talking with a co-worker about daughters and their inevitable entry into the dating age. It’s different with my boys; I just know they’re awesome and hope they find a girl who appreciates them, and don’t worry too much because what girl wouldn’t want to hang out with one of those two handsome, multitalented devils?
Daughters, on the other hand, are different. As a dad, we have to deal with the realization that our daughter is becoming her own person who will make her own choices, sometimes ones we don’t agree with. As long as it doesn’t involve marrying a barefoot guy who makes hemp necklaces for a living and running off to live in Rangoon, I can make many allowances.
There might come a time, though, when some fatherly intervention is necessary to prune undesired dead wood away. Therefore, I tried to come up with a few ideas of ways to scare off unapproved suitors. Here are my conversation starters.
1. Give him a crazy look, and ask, “Did you know I am a ninja?”
2. Tell him that if I have to go back to prison for beating him senseless, the other inmates would look at that as a badge of honor and my time there will be pleasant.
3. Offer to let him look at my gun collection, ‘accidentally’ show him the ammo and the .50 cal antiaircraft round with his name scratched in the side.
4. Tell him I know Jack Bauer personally, and he owes me a favor.
5. Ask him for a detailed plan on how he’ll protect my daughter in the event of a zombie invasion.

After all, if he can’t keep her safe from the zombies, what good is he? 🙂

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One response to “Scaring the Boyfriends Away”

  1. DaPoet says :

    My concern for my son was making certain that he didn’t get hooked up with a financial predator looking to get her hooks into his wallet. To that end I once had a man to man talk to one of my neighbors about his daughter – after ordering her to stay away from my son – when she declared to me and another of my neighbors her desire to become pregnant in order to become emancipated from her parents.

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